Modern Britain - a reminder (not the Andrew Marr version)

In modern Britain, we’re not to be trusted with anything. We’re all guilty unless proved otherwise and The State has our DNA to prove it. For six years at least. And we don’t need to be convicted for that to happen. We’re not to challenge authority, even in our own homes. Instead, a misplaced F-bomb in the presence of a Stasi officer will have you arrested at dawn for assault.

In modern Britain they want to send otherwise unemployable jobworths into our houses to ensure our smoke alarms work correctly. Then when a newspaper gets hold of the story, the story mysteriously disappears.

They also want to come in and check we have special stair guards and temperature gauges for our baths so we cannot kick our children up flights and flights of stairs on the way to boiling them in the tub and eating them. Meanwhile, those who are rather partial to a bit of child abuse imagery get a ticking off and no further hassle. Those who do the actual child raping don’t suffer too harshly either.

They then claim to be doing it all for the cheeeldren (TM Leg Iron) when they ban you from going into a playground with your own child. Or if you decide to redecorate the house when you're pregnant (because you're respectable and want to bring your child up in a pleasant environment), the paramilitary wing of the Labour Party will report you to the Social Services.

Still, how else are they going to sell all these expensive stair guards and in-bath thermometers in a recession if they don’t make it mandatory? It doesn’t matter. We’re to bow our heads and be grateful. Nothing to hide, nothing to fear, remember? Pay up and shut up. Do what you like to other people's kids, but heaven forfend - never EVER try to do the right thing by your own.

The price of gas has risen to a point where many have switched or are considering switching to electricity for their heating. Just look at British Gas' expected profit margins. So it’s with no great surprise that I learn electricity prices are set to be taxed extra. Also, with this in mind, why would one think Labour wants every home in the UK to have broadband by 2012? Revenue is always a factor with these greedy bastards. But this is the real cigar clincher.

You will be castigated, hounded and smeared if you dare to publicly criticise a tick box driven, management-heavy, “free” health service you fund without choice when they send you home with a broken neck with a tub of antibiotics as the cure. When an opposition Eurosecptic MEP has a go, Mandelson dashes in at double quick notice for a prostate tweak. One wonders how long he was on the waiting list for. Estimates range from 20 minutes to an hour and a half. The press then lap it all up, none more so than our trusty state broadcaster.

Those who criticise uncontrolled immigration will be told they simply have to be members of the BNP. There’s no middle ground. You’re either with The Righteous or you’re a raging bigot of [insert variety here]. Debate or even conversation on the matter simply won't be allowed.

Too few people ask themselves why. Very few people ever ask why the government, seemingly so anti-smoking, doesn’t just make it illegal. Instead, they glamorise it by making it seem risky and dangerous. They want all cigarettes to be sold under the counter like porn. They print pictures on the packets of “smokers’ lungs” which actually look like those of a coal face worker who jogs along the M25 daily. They print pictures of aged hands but no face. Sends out a funny messages to teenagers doesn’t it? Smoke this and you’ll end up looking older which means you can go and buy booze without ID, paying lots of lovely duty in the meantime. They print pictures of syringes on the packets too. When did anyone take tobacco by injection? And when did flu jabs become addictive?

Very few bother to find out how much duty they’re paying on booze. Booze that The Righteous make very difficult for you to drink knowing full well people will rebel and buy more. With more and more of the population without jobs to go to, there’s nothing else to do. The bailiffs have been round for all the flashy goods but there’s always good old Super Tenants. For each of my £5.08 bottles of whisky from Sainsbury’s, £1.58 of the price goes straight to the Treasury. Do people really think The Righteous want us to stop drinking? Fuck me, if we all stopped smoking and drinking income tax would increase by 20%!

Whilst all of the above has been happening, large swathes of the populace have been kept well busy and equally well distracted. Busy watching 900 channels they don’t enjoy on a buy-now-pay-in-25000-years-time 50 inch plasma screen TV. Buying houses they could never really afford (although should have been able to afford, but for the massive rises under Labour’s watch, in the name of fairness n equality, innit?). But Tony and Gordon said it was OK and so did the lenders, so they just went ahead anyway, bumping the prices up even further. Buying upmarket cars, dishwashers, gigantic laptops with 25000GB hard drives. HD, holidays, more houses. Ponies for Popsy. Gazebos a foot longer than the neighbours. Keeping up with the cunting Jones's. Well, it’s all come crashing down now, and a nation awakes.

This is modern Britain, a once fine and once great country that has been turned into an overcrowded, bland, poor, overworked, over taxed, multi-fucking-culti, one-law-for-us-another-for-them, typical socialist dump.

So listen up politicos, when it all really hits the fan very soon, I’ll be coming for you. So will many others. Even those soon to be former Righteous hangers on will realise they’ve been had. And I can’t fucking wait for it. It'll happen.